The most difficult thing that I am beginning to understand is the concept of learning to stay in my own lane., where I am learning to follow my own path instead of following someone else’s path. I am beginning to appreciate the person I am beside focusing on all the hurtful things of my past.
I used to have a bad habit of getting distracted by trying to fix other people’s problems except for my own. I would sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others who were miserable because I have a huge heart of wanting to make others happy.
Staying in my own lane meant I was beginning to learn that my problems were my problems and only I could face them and deal with them. No one else, not my family, not even friends. I am learning that joy lies within and I cannot depend on others to give me the joy I truly need within. True joy comes from following my path and being authentic to who God says I am.
This also meant that I was no longer holding myself accountable for not fixing people’s problems and allowing others to deal with their own issues because it is their lesson to learn not mine. It is one thing to be empathic towards a person, but your intentions allow you to be present with that person and their circumstance giving support.
There is another thing when you become empathic towards someone’s circumstance and your intentions are to fix them and their problem. That is too much clutter, which is unnecessary for any of us to carry. We were not meant to carry other people’s problems, but we were given the power to become or develop the skills to become empathic.
I recognize that I must take the time to search, learn, and evolve an individual on this earth every day of my life. It is a sense of relief to begin to understand that I never had to put the pressure on myself to arrive at anything in life in a rush. I can move at my own pace, where I know I will arrive on time with God while traveling on this journey called life. I am learning that things truly take time and in fact taking my time and staying in my own lane is a gift from God.
I am beginning to learn not to jump when a threat appears in my life by reacting to those who are rude and nasty or who have disturbing circumstances. I am learning through staying in my own lane that silence holds just as much power as my words, and disturbing circumstances are used for me not against me. Here are five ways to learning to stay in your own lane:
I have a pet peeve with inauthentic people and those who require a lot of attention but being honest with myself. I can be the type of person I claim to dislike. Being authentic meant I was recognizing the good, bad, and the ugly and accept all of it because the creator does. I believe it irked me so badly because I was refusing to face my own shadows within that needed God’s light. I was beginning to get on my own nerves because I was pretending to be okay just so others would not leave my life. I would sacrifice my own joy, dreams, and well-being for the sake of others just to avoid being alone.
I was mad at myself, which also required some forgiveness from myself to myself for refusing to be anything other than self. It was time for me to take accountability for allowing others to distract me and pull me away from my true path by listening to their criticism, opinions, perspective, and expectations of my life. I am here on earth to serve, but I am not here to please. There is a difference in the too. I am learning to follow my own path because I am the only one who is proficient enough to complete the task at hand, not my family, friends, or associates. I figure God gave me life for a reason, so he knew he could trust me with it. The real question I began to ask myself, Why couldn’t I believe in myself the way God does? It all goes to the fact that I was living a lie and not functioning as my authentic self. Now was the time to remove the mask by standing up for my integrity, self-worth, and respect of myself and others even if it meant I was standing alone.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel your Emotions & Honor Them
Growing up I did not have the privilege of honoring my emotions and sitting with my feelings whole-heartily. I was taught to move on from how I was feeling and not to focus on the current difficult situation that was at hand, which is probably why I honor the emotions within myself and others so much because I believe that they are true indicators of what is going on within.
Emotions give us an opportunity to take accountable over our lives with the choice to either evolve or stay stuck. The choice is always ours, not others. I believe that my emotions show me where my true power lies within, where it opens an opportunity for me to gain a different perspective about myself, life, and my current circumstance. Learning to stay in my own lane is teaching me that honoring my emotions is very important because it builds trust within the self. I am accepting my feelings, which gives me the opportunity to heal from anything left within that is wounded.
3.Focus on Your Goals
Who can be me better than myself? That’s an easy question to answer because no one can. I had to get to a point, where I stop looking for others to come to rescue me and began to rescue myself by focusing on my goals. I am getting older now and time waits for no one. Instead of continuing to allow doubt, shame, and low self-esteem to kick my butt. It was time for me to push forward in faith with my goals even if the odds were against me.
Focusing on other people was a distraction and it was stopping me from achieving my goals. The time is now to begin to develop a plan and strategy for goals and follow it so what I envision will manifest here on earth. My goals are the only goals that will bring fulfillment in life. Staying in your own lane helps you to love yourself and the things attached to you because you recognize what you have is enough.
- Stop Trying to Fix Others
The good thing is that you are in charge of yourself, but the unfortunate thing can also be that you are only in charge of yourself. It depends on the perspective you choose to focus on. Much like others, I would project my own dreams and expectations on to others expecting to get the outcome I desired; which was never the case. My job is not to fix others, but to inspire and influence others to love, bring more peace into their lives, and to give love. The person that needed the most fixing was myself, I was so broken that I couldn’t stand to look at my own cracks and flaws that I worked so hard to run away from.
Learning to stay in your own lane teaches you that fixing others is impossible, but guiding them to the healer (Jesus) was far more possible because he is the only one who can do the repairing and fixing. I had an epiphany at work one day when I decided that I no longer wanted to use the words, “You need or You should”. I realized that I did not want to oversee someone’s else live and tell them what mistakes they made and what needs to change. I am still figuring out my own life let alone trying to tell others what they need to do with theirs. I can admit I do not have all the answers. Today, I Thank God, I know who does.
- Honoring God and Myself
Honoring God first then myself helps me to stay in my own lane and gain trust in both. I wouldn’t be on this journey if it was not for God. Praise and honor go to the Lord for guiding, instructing, directing, and encouraging throughout my journey. Through Honoring the Lord, he has taught me to trust in who he created me to be, and that he made room for me on earth to evolve and free to become by giving me his grace, mercy, and protection to be all he created me to be. Honoring God then myself strengthens my faith and love in the Lord. I always gain more love and trust within myself that I am enough because God says so not anyone else. I decided that I was no longer going to be kept at the mercy of other people’s power that I would allow them to place me in that confined box.
Staying in my own lane is the best decision I ever made because I do not want to control anyone, but instead, I want to serve and guide them to accept their own paths in life. In ways, that are different or the same as my own. We all have a lane to walk or run in, but it is up to us to gather the courage to walk in our lane because we are the only one who can fulfill it.