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Spiritual Sunday

The Downfall Of Having Expectations: Leaning Not on My Own Understanding

       I always felt that having expectations was essential to the manifestation of life. If I expected, then I shall receive? The true definition of expectations is having a strong belief that something will happen in the near future. 

       I thought expectations worked because they were placed on me as a child, but being honest with my self! I hated when expectations were placed on me because most of the time I knew I could not reach up too them. It didn’t correspond to my true self. 

    Even though I hated expectations, learned behavior required that I keep expectations for comfort sake. So expectations became a big factor in my relationships especially with my spouse. 

   When my spouse did not meet my expectations I allowed myself to fall into disappointment and discouragement about our relationship. With feeling disappointment and discouragement, opened the door for resentful and angry to settle in my head about our relationship.  (more…)

Spiritual Sunday

Running From Your Distorted Image

See when you grow up with verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. It’s so easy to wake up to a distorted mirror everyday. Wishing and comparing yourself to others. Wishing you were someone else with hopes that maybe they do not struggle the way you did. 

     You never seem understand to why revealing your true self will ever be acceptable? When you replay the distortion images in your head that you are fat, ugly, unlovable, stupid, a bitch, and nappy headed.  

     Sometimes you are not aware where those images come from, but when good opportunities show up. The images began to pop up again. You began to self- sabotage yourself from things God wants you to have. 

    You began to believe those names that have latched to your image due to trauma. You believe who others say you are because you love them and for some reason value their opinions. You are then faced looking in the mirror constantly staring at a distorted image of yourself.  (more…)

Spiritual Sunday

Signs Of A Heart Wrapped In Barbed Wire

                   I carried a heart wrapped with barbed wire for years. I would tell myself repeatedly that I would not allow my heart to feel pain anymore, so I wrapped it up letting just enough love in to get me by. Since allowing barbed wire to be wrapped was not the essences of my spirit; life gave me more situations and circumstances that would later influence me to capitulate to God’s demand. I walked around with an S on my chest, thinking I was winning against those who wronged me and life.

                  When life left me, I found out that I needed to love to receive what I needed back. Having barbed wire across my heart placed limitations on my mind, body, and soul, but it was also created as a protection for me from experiencing that same hurt I felt previously. I didn’t have room to love God, myself, and others the way I needed too appropriately. I was much like the others in (more…)

Spiritual Sunday

Who’s Going To Accept Me?

I have spent countless years searching for someone to accept me for who I am. That is where people pleasing came in. I felt that if I gave my all to my relationships with people. I would finally receive the acceptance I always desired in my heart.

After being lied on and facing my name and my character being scrutinized and contaminated in a public work setting for child abuse. My past of childhood trauma of verbal, emotional ,sexual, physical abuse ,and seeing domestic violence threatening my future. I was facing financial issues.


Spiritual Sunday

The Battle Between The Ego And The Soul

God kept reminding and showing me for years that I was operating in two different dimensions. I could not figure out what the two were until two months ago. He revealed to me that I was battling between the ego and the soul.

Four years ago on Tumblr, I fell in love with a quote that said “ Starve the ego and feed the soul!” It spoke volumes to me. The only problem was that I was unfamiliar with how to starve my ego and feed my soul.

Two months ago, God brought that same quote to me I seen on Tumblr to me again. It helped me remember what I was fighting, and I began to explore the aspects of the two terms.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Ego as the self especially as contrasted with another self of the world. Freud describes the ego to be the psychological component of the personality of a person that’s driven by our conscious decision making. Many would also consider Ego as Pride. The characteristics of Ego are serve yourself, seek gratification, believe that life is a competition, preserve yourself, looking outward for answers, having the feeling of lack, mortal, drawn to lust, seek wisdom, and seek to be filled. The keyword for ego is me. (more…)

Spiritual Sunday

Regaining My Peace

I’m from Milwaukee, WI like other cities in United States; where peace is an expense rather than a necessity. Having peace is not the norm but blending with the crowd is. The crowd is not in the best shape, but many would rather choose to follow what they see than what they know. The norm is being chaotic and peace is being abnormal. The energy is thick. That same thick energy described is what followed me daily.

Between working, going to school for my masters, completing internship hours, attending to my client’s (youth) needs, planning and facilitating a girl’s group, healing spiritually and mentally, attending to my family’s needs, attending church, trying to stay consistent with my destiny, and attending to my partner’s and I personal tests and trials.


Suffering From A Bad Case Of People Pleasing;
Spiritual Sunday

Suffering From A Bad Case Of People Pleasing

People pleasing is something that many people suffer with. Many of us suffer from this every day as far as saying yes to things when we really want to say no. Pleasing our supervisors, co-workers, and managers to keep our jobs. Pleasing people at church and the pastor. Especially when it comes to our family members, who wants to say no and not prove our loyalty?

People Pleasing produces the feeling of wanting to be accepted, loved, appreciated, validated, and acknowledged to the point where you want everyone around you to feel happy. It is not until you get to the point in your life when you are dried out like a prune from being abused and misused. No one to turn too when you are in need of help the most.