Spiritual Sunday

Failed Expectations In Relationships

What expectations do you hold in your relationship sectors? Would you consider your expectations to be healthy or unhealthy for your relationship sectors? Have you ever held on to expectations within your relationships that were so high for someone you loved and the person let you down so terribly? Have you expected the best for your loved one and they did not obtain the same expectation for self as you had for them? Well, this blog post is for you.

I want to discuss expectations and the damage they cause in relationships. I want to discuss how having expectations can do more harm than good. Having expectations is having a strong belief that something will happen soon in the future. Having expectations can also be defined as believing that someone should achieve something in your life.

I have experienced the disappointment of having expectations in my relationship sectors lately, which literally feels like your heart is pierced with a sharp needle. In a very dramatic moment, it is quite normal to feel like your life is over. The expectations that caused the most hurt was from my family and my intimate relationship.

It is always what we expect, is what kills our souls and our relationships that we are apart of I believe. It stops us from moving forward in life because we are unable to move on from what we had in mind?   In my opinion, expectations do not promote us to move forward, but it keeps us to be stuck and unable to move. Due to a false prediction that someone will show up or something will happen in the way you imagined it too.
Sounds like destroy in the making because we have no control over people’s lives and the circumstances that stop them from meeting your expectations. We have to get to the point, where we ask ourselves where our expectations come from?

Having expectations, opens the door for us to distrust others,  unable to cruise through life with joy, peace, prosperity, and love. Expectations keep us hopeful for the bad and prolong the good.

It stops us from living because it stops the natural flow of life. We hold on to expectations because we have confused it be hope, but it has left many of us hopeless. The reason is that many of us have decided to depend on our own understanding instead of God’s alone. We tend to hold on to expectations because it looks good and sounds good. It’s also what we have been told to do for most of our lives. They say, “Expectations will lead you to your dreams, and it will help to stay focus on your goals that you desire for your future.”

What I have discovered is that expectations allowed me to hurt those more than I intended too. It also allowed me to function as someone I was not because I was trying to be everything to everyone, which is impossible to do.

Expectations hurt me because the plan I had in mine was invalid and it never came true. Life has been teaching me lately that expectations destroy the flow of life and stops us from relying on God. Sometimes our expectations can be so high that we begin to believe that we are higher than God especially if our expectations become our reality.

A common scenario in relationships is having expectations that does not correspond to the other’s personality or their current  circumstances, where our expectations usually come from our egotistic personality.   This causes the relationship to lose more than win in areas such as spiritually , mentally , physically , emotionally , and financially. Expectations are a lot for a person to hold onto and it is a lot of pressure for someone put on another person in.

I discovered that what I expected for others to be in my life; God had a different plan for the role they played in my life. Where I was looking for roses and buds with no pain. God gave me the pain to show me that I didn’t need roses and buds because I was a flower that was meant to blossom.

Being honest, I was mad at God for quite some time because my vision for my life never came true. It was his promise for my life that I found myself searching for quite often, and I wanted family and my intimate partner to play a role in my life that God did not cast them for. I mean thought it was good vision to hold onto, and I just knew it would make my dreams come true.

I loved a man, and that man did not show up to be who I thought he would be in my life. Talk about holding onto resentment! I loved him more than I loved myself. I gave to him more than I gave to myself.
I would have killed and destroy anything for that man because I expected his loyalty to look like mine. I expected that I would be the woman he gave his first child too. I expected the male I loved to be a man, where I did not recognize until later that he was a male but a hurting boy within. I expected the man I loved to be my shining armor but he ended up causing me more hurt and pain that you could imagine.

Where I expected loyalty, I got cheated on. I expected unity and a family with the man I loved. Instead, I became a step-mother instead of mothering a child of my own. I loved the baby as my own because that’s who I am, but I was reminded by his family and mine constantly that I was not the child’s mother. That was not my intention at all.

I expected to build a home with a man that did not have a vision of his own. I expected the man I loved to push me to be a woman I knew I was called to be. I expected the man I loved to love me unconditionally, but what I got instead was exposure of how insecure I was. I expected the man I loved to protect me , but instead he hurt me physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I expected the man I loved to be a man, but I did not allow him to be human. I expected the man I loved to give me flowers and gifts on holidays and my birthday. Instead, I was left with nothing but disappointment and insecurities–revealing to me that I was not important to him.

I discovered that most of my expectations in my relationships sectors came from survived trauma circumstances that I knew would allow me not to hurt again, so I thought.

The disappointment I endured in my relationships especially my intimate one showed me that I was loving conditionally.   I was still suffering from abandonment issues, which is where my expectations in relationships stemmed from. My expectations is my relationships had a stronghold in the way I viewed all the relationships near me.

So many people confuse expectations with beliefs because they correspond to one another. What I have found that it is ok to destroy expectations in your relationships, but it is not ok to destroy your beliefs. When our expectations are ruined, we have a habit of cursing God’s name because the person did not come when WE thought they would. I found out that having high expectations in my relationships that others were unable to meet is a common issue that many women have deal with and choose not to forgive others for.
I discovered that expectations will not lead us to God’s promises, in which the American Dream is an outline of what God wants to give to his people. The difficult part is that it will not show up in our lives the way Media told us it would, or it will not obtain it to be with the person we hoped it would be. God promised that he would come on time, in which his timing is much better than our own.

Expectations allow us to be “the God” of our own lives, in which we exempt Jesus from our lives. He cannot move in ways we want too because our high expectations have allowed pride and control to work against God’s plan for our lives.  There comes a time in your life, where God will only allow you to be in control of your life for so long. Once your time is up, he will begin to show you how much you really need him now. I believe this is another reason why many people tend to commit suicide because they are so used to being in control of their lives that they do not know what to do when things are out of their control.

Another common concept is that many tend to confused expectations with standards. Many have expectations but they do not hold standards for their relationships.  Expectations can be manipulated, misused or taken advantage of, the reason being is because we are in a state of anticipation. Anticipation is a visualization of future events, which is another component of our lives that we do not have control over—our future.

God promised to give his children a life of prosperity,

Jeremiah 29:11 CEV “I will bless you with a future filled with hope—a future of success, not of suffering.”

Do not allow your expectations to cause your relationship sectors to suffer. God promised to give us a future of hope and success and this includes your relationships also.

The key factor is that you should replace God with your high expectations in your life. This is something that many are not willing to do because their expectations have been associated with their identity for so long.  Comment below and let me know how your expectations have allowed your relationships to suffer or prosper?

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