WisdomWednesday

Mistakenly Perfect: Writing Off The Wrongs of Others

    What is the first thing we want to do to others, when they have made a mistake that we feel they should know better? We want to punish them.

  We want to punish them for living life especially considering no one came into this world with life manual and guaranteed warranty. We want people to pay for the mistakes they committed forgetting that life will help you go against your genuine intentions and create a circumstance that you will later regret.

The interesting thing is that we live on earth, but we see others more than we see ourselves physically. If we didn’t have a mirror we would not be able to see what we look like. Isn’t that interesting?

  This also means that we can see the darkness in others before we recognize it within ourselves, which is what the world is so counter focus on now. Pointing the flaws of others and exposing them, but we never expose the flaws of those pointing out the wrongful behavior.

   Hyper-focusing on the problems of the world but fail to recognize how their behavior contributes to the problems of the world including your own problems. In the words of Maya Angelou, “ Do the best you can until you know better then do better.”

1. Workplace

     It is difficult to work in a workplace, where there are groups of people preying on others based on their flaws so they can win. It is a very dysfunctional way of living yet it is accepted by so many because they have convinced themselves that there is only one prize to gain.

  My question is what prize is it really to win when we all have a purpose and God has enough gifts, talents, and money to go around? He is the creator of all things. Those who demonstrate this behavior do not know God to be a provider and a savior.

   When you have compassion fatigue , know it is easy to confuse your trauma wound with current reality. Sometimes the correction we receive seem like attacks but they are really a way for God to show us another way of doing things that cause less stress and anxiety.

This is a place where pride comes in and no one wants to really accept their wrongs or mistakes because many have been in trouble or fired based on their flaws.

  Is it right? No?  Is it the easiest way to eliminate the weak so the perceived strong can survive? Maybe?  But Not necessarily because truly strong people within do not need to prey on others to get what they want because they know what’s meant for them will come naturally not by force. 

At the end of the day, all we know is that we are all spiritual beings living a human experience. When people do not know who God is, they will waste their time fighting for things the wrong way by building their foundation (businesses and relationships) on other’s insecurities, depletion, shortcomings, and mistakes. This is prime example of demonstrating the behavior of “being perfect”.

I thought I had all the tools to be the perfect leader or role model , recognizing that I was just as rusty as those I judged because I was relying on my brokenness to bring forth solutions. This was gateway to pacify my insecurities within. I seen it work for others, I know it work for me wrong!

   I had to ask God to heal me from women and especially “white women” because those were the ones who hurt me the most in the workplaces. It wasn’t all white women, but it was women who appeared critical, judgement, acted perfect, and who would act as a know it all. I realize I was facing myself in other women. Especially the parts I did not like about myself.

 I felt ostracized. I never understood what I did wrong, but I realized that I brought work hurt pain to every job. I judged before I got a chance to know anyone  because I wanted to avoid being hurt again.

I also found out that God was letting me know there was more similarities than differences from the women who hurt me at work. I judge people and their mistakes also.  I grew tired of proving myself to others and who I was as a person.

   I did not want to be another wounded person claiming to be free, but holding on to old resentment based on the color on someone’s skin color or their gender. I begin to understand why people judge the way they do, which is based on deep rooted pain that was never resolved not with the person but within.  It was not right, but I had to be honest with myself on how I was feeling in order to heal.

   Life will set us up in situations to let us know how to humble ourselves and not to make others feel jealous because they battling in a area that you no longer are. It should be about team work, but it take others to work towards including myself. 

‭‭1 John‬ ‭1:8-10‬ ‭CEV‬‬, “If we say we have not sinned, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth isn’t in our hearts. But if we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away. If we say we have not sinned, we make God a liar, and his message isn’t in our hearts.”

     How can I show how gracious God is when I am so busy being perfect at work? How can I expect grace towards myself when I fail to show it towards others? Many may not own up to their actions because they feel there will be no grace shown towards them and their livelihood will be in jeopardy. So, we have a group of people confirming to lying and cheating to get their way. I have learned that it is better to have God than silver and gold.

2.Mother & Daughter Relationship

The Mother and daughter relationship is something that many tend to ignore or walk on egg shells to express their emotions about the relationships. 

    One thing I know is that you do not want to upset a “ Mama, momma, mom, mommy, mummy, or mum. Whatever you call the women who brought you into this world or raise you. You know not to make her mad especially when it comes to talking about how she treats you.

  For some reason, being perfect is the ideal role that demonstrates what it means to “ having all your things together.” Perfection also helps you to create false reality of having emotional self-worth that you always yearned for especially from those of the same sex.
   We think it will bring “perfect” will give more worth from the same sex because we spend so much time judging others and looking pass our insecurities. As women, especially now. I have notice that many are mean, catty, and distant emotionally. I believe it comes from pain from their Mother and Daughter relationship. It is always easy to place the blame on others for their lack of, but we must remember that it takes two obtain, sustain, and maintain a relationship.

  What I have notice is that we as human show other humans the love language we need thinking that we will get a return value plus interest. At least, that is what we are hoping for. This is not always the case.

What I learned was that I was not showing my Mother the love language she needed, but instead I was showing her the love language I wanted. I was wondering why she didn’t feel satisfied and why I was always irritated with her.

My mother love receiving gifts, and I enjoy receiving words of encouragement instead. I had to learn to write off her wrongs because she deserves grace the same way I hope my daughter will do for me some day. 

Ecclesiastes 7:20CEV, There is not a righteous person on earth who always does good and never sins.

  Guess what this includes me. There are somethings that I can improve on also as a daughter also. 

3.Daddy & Daughter Relationship

   A Father, can do no wrong in their children’s eyes especially when it comes to his daughter. The first time when a daughter find out her Dad is not perfect. It is a very dramatic situation.

   I am always hearing and I was once on the roll to believe that all “men were not ish.” I feel in love with being independent because I finally thought I had gained the worth that would set me free.

  Through independence, I thought I was shouting I was worthy based on what I could do. In reality, I was showing how wounded and disappointed I was in a man’s lead  to provide, protect, and lead. This feeling came first from my biological father.

I truly felt that men weren’t useful and all they would leave us (women) in disappointment and more sorrow. I decided to love conditionally with stimulations and ultimatums (thinking they were boundaries). It became a fad for me to distrust and disrespect men with my foul mouth and rusty behavior.

I realize in my relationships with my father I was always trying to punish him low key for being absent in times I needed him the most. I punished him so much that I would bad mouth him and then I would get mad when the behavior had turned against me.

Psalm 130:3-5 CEV, “Lord, if you punished people for all their sins, no one would be left, Lord. But you forgive us, so you are respected. I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.

   At the end of the day, all I wanted from my Father was unconditional love, peace, respect,honesty, kindness, and joy when I am with my Daddy.

   The only way to change the relationship was with God, my thoughts (focus on my intentions), and create new actions. I may not be able to change him but I can change the way I view our relationship filled with love and not sorrow. I’m guilty  for holding grudges.

4.Intimate Relationship

   I was always searching for this perfect love that would save me from my sorrow and pain. I thought it would come from the vision I had for my life and the man of my choosing for my life. Not recognizing that both we doing more harm than good for me. Searching for happily ever after forever and always, but deep emotional and spiritual pain will have you put your desires to a holt.

Since I was healing from Daddy’s issues, it was hard for me to show compassion toward him because I felt it was never shown towards me.
  I thought compassion was being listened too when I needed it, held when I needed it , and loved the right way when I needed it. The concept of compassion was maybe on the right track, but my intentions were all wrong. It was all about me and getting my needs met, which was what I complained about so much about men doing.

Since, I thought of men always being on the winning side. I wanted that same egotistical power so I could finally get what I deserve and Bragg about it. Wrong again. I was looking for someone who would make me feel good about my insecurities so I could feel worthy.

   Taking care of others use to make me feel worthy. So, I was attracted to men I could take care of and nurse back to health. Once, they got their feet I would pushed them away because I feared of being abandoned again.

  What I learned was that I was quick to get angry and to punish them for doing what they were supposed to do— live. I realize I was not loving wholeheartedly. I was loving from a broken place and building false foundation with men that did not have a foundation with God.

Psalm 103:8-11 The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.

Love is not egotistical but it is spiritual. I was confused lust with love. This was a wrong that was hard for me to write off because I felt like those who I gave too stole from me.

   No one cannot take anything that you weary of from the beginning. I was weary about myself and those I chose to be in relationships with. I was mistakenly perfect. Trying to write the wrongs others including my own.

Let Jesus be your savior like he was me. No more perfection in Jesus name in 2020. We will be free to live, love and laugh in the way we want too.

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