Growing up as a black girl and into a black woman; independent was what I thought I needed to be! I wanted to be independent so badly that Neyo’s song “Miss Independent” became my theme song.
I mean, many of the women in my family played the role really well. Being a single woman and mother on her own and making ends meets by any means necessary looked like power from a concrete perspective.
Having my own and building my own seemed ideal. When pain showed up in my life; independence became apart of my identity! I think that independence as an notion is an illusion that was created through sorrow and pain! It was promoted in society to embrace our ego and gain power in areas that we felt we were weak or taken advantage of in society.
I thought I was born to be independent because I was the only child growing up. I was taught not to depend on a man, friends,or strangers in general. As a kid, growing I didn’t know who to really trust. When abuse showed up, being independent only intensified.
I depended on the notion of being independent so bad that I wouldn’t allow myself to ask for help when I needed it. I didn’t want others to see how incapable I was of doing anything. Choosing to be independent taught me that pride was my hero, ego was my guardian, and arrogance was the true act of self love.
I had grown to be so independent that when someone came across being too nice me that I was not use too; I would instantly think that they needed something from me or they were coming to take something from me.
Independence sold me the ideation that I was free from the outside world and no one could control me. I felt I didn’t have to depend on authority, which I questioned a lot! My arrogance always told me that I was more fit for any job than others in any situation.
Independence began to ruin the relationships in my life because I wouldn’t balance the concept of receiving and giving in my relationships (reciprocation). With so many of my relationships on thin ice, I knew it was time for me to make a decision that would involve sacrificing my independence for relationships.
It wasn’t until I was introduced to interdependence is when I began thank God for second chances. Interdependence is when one or more people depend on one another. The prefix of inter means between, mutually, or reciprocal. The prefix of in- is no or not.
Interdependence takes the stamina away from our generation of being submissive to anyone appointed with authority. The concept allows us to understand that real relationships; free from a fractured heart requires interdependence because a union is better than one in many cases in life.
Interdependence allowed me to understand that it was ok to be vulnerable and admit I need help. God relies on interdependence than independence. Interdependence involves less worrying, stressing ,and anxiousness.
When you think about it, there aren’t many relationships in life that truly require us to be independent. We adapt independence to many areas in our life and wonder why we are sworn illness, disease, and disorders.
A relationship with God is more about interdependence than independent. In fact, we weren’t meant to hold on or carry the weight,pressure, and velocity of this world. We were meant to be of this world not in, which means we should always stand out in the crowd.
Interdependence allowed me to recognize how important it was for me to live a selfless life. Interdependence also showed me how fulfilling it was to know that I was protected and being provided for as long I stayed in my own lane.
Putting God first in everything I did in life allowed me to discover that interdependence gave me more spiritual freedom and independence gave me egotistic freedom. Independence kept me bounded and interdependence taught there was more power in being selfless than selfish!