Self-management is something you rarely see in others today. Self-management is management of or by oneself; or deciding to take of responsibility for one’s own behavior and well-being. We are a part of society, where everyone wants to play the blame game.
We blame our government, we blame our family issues, and we blame everything that is external of us for our life, actions, thoughts, attitude, and behavior. They may influence your life, but they cannot control your life unless you allow them too.
You have options. Many of us have never and probably will never take the time be still and to truly begin to assess who we truly are within. I would be lying if I told you all that everyone isn’t fit to do it; but in fact, everyone is. The barrier that stands in everyone’s way is self! Many of us lack the patience or belief in who God says we truly are within.
I was once that person who grew accustomed to playing the blame game and never holding myself accountable for my life. Being honest, at one point in my mind I honestly thought I was perfect and no one could ever prove that to be wrong. Being perfect meant that I was a good person, and no one could tell me different. I began to discover that it was okay for me to make mistakes and be a good person at the same time. What matter is the heart’s intent?
I hardly ever took accountability for my actions because I figured it was others fault who caused me pain, suffering, and betrayal. I felt I wasn’t the one with the issue, but others were ones to blame. It felt good to blame others also because I felt I had the power over any situation that caused pain because I was holding them accountable when they did not have the guts to do so.
Thoughts in my mind would tell that I had every right to blame the next for my pain because they deserved to be punished for what they did to me; which was where revenge or playing as victim became a norm of my life.
I began to discover that healing did not start with waiting for others to apologize to me for their actions, and forgiveness would not happen unless I decided to take accountability for my thoughts, actions, beliefs, and behavior in all situations within my life.
I try to stay away from the word responsibility when it comes to healing because the word has been misused a lot to abuse power over others. The meaning of responsibility that I refer too usually is having the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization; in which this definition gives out the perspective that taking responsibility can be liberating.
When you tell others to take responsibility for their actions, beliefs, thoughts, and behavior may refer to the definition that defines responsibility is the fact to blame something or having control over someone.
So, I always refer to healing as taking the accountability for your actions, belief, attitude, and behavior because it provides an understanding approach letting others know it takes time to understand yourself for healing to really began to sync within. Accountable can be defined as a person justify their actions or decisions, or explicable. Here four ways of taking accountable for your life will be beneficial for you.
1. You Begin To Develop A Better Understanding As To Who You Are
I cannot speak for you, but I know I like to be understood by others. There is one thing to expect others to understand you, but it is another thing when you are expecting others to understand you when you aren’t able too. This allows you to place the blame on others freely because you do not have a true understanding as to who you are.
In order for you to begin to understand yourself; You must begin to quiet your mind, body, soul, and spirit through mindfulness or meditation and ask yourself inquiring questions about your beliefs such as where do they come from? Thoughts: Are they truly your thought produced by you?
Were your thoughts shaped by other’s opinions and perspectives? Behavior: Do you like the behavior you indulge in? Does your behavior benefit you or your surrounds? Is your behavior learned so you followed or it is a part of your own personality?
You cannot expect others to figure you out when you have not taken the time to understand yourself. I believe everyone owes it to themselves to understand self. How can you expect to have anything positive or longevity when you have taken the time to understand your patterns, habits, thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors?
That by default is a true act of self-love when you allow yourself to understand self. Where understanding lies, so does patience, kindness, protection, trust, hope, and perseverance because you have dedicated time, energy, and space to discover who you truly are.
2. Recognizing Your Worth
When you know who you are, then you will begin to create the space for yourself with God to begin to accept your convictions; and began to hold yourself accountable for your actions, beliefs, thoughts, attitude, and behavior. Hold yourself accountable for your environment around you helps you to justify and elevate your past experiences.
You are in a good place when you allow yourself to be flexible in any situation or circumstance because you now know that your present moment will either be a lesson or blessing. Either way, you know you will always win. One concept will help you to grow as individuals and the other concept will give you a reward, either way, you began to discover that your time can never be wasted.
Taking accountability for self also allows you to treat yourself with kindness, where you began to recognize that you are entitled to make mistakes, and being perfect is an illusion. It also helps you to convict yourself ensuring that your intentions are always set to your highest outcome in life. Also, understanding that our thoughts, beliefs, and attitude manifests our reality. You will begin to understand that you should never expect the worst out of the situation, but expect the best because you know you will win in any situation that lands on your doorstep.
3. Recognizing Your Power
You are who God says you are. Holding yourself accountable for your experiences in life is very liberating because you are always elevating yourself. You began to understand that any difficult circumstance or situation was permitted into your life because you were open to having that experience. Changing your perspective in the way you view negative situations sustains hope, faith, and believing that anything is possible (Mark 9:23).
When you recognize your power in any circumstance of your past, present, or future; you will no longer allow yourself to play the victim anymore. Playing victim allows you to lose all power in any circumstance or situation you face, which results in you playing the blame game. This is where darkest always seems to sneak in (depression, anxiety or worry). True power lies in owning your mistakes and wrongdoing.
4. Forgiving Yourself Becomes Easier
Working with others, I am truly convinced that many have not recognized that they have the right to forgive themselves for the pain, suffering, and other negative energy they allow themselves to be open too. Some would say that forgiveness is not an option for them, but I am not sure why because they are allowing yourself to hold on to the weight you were not meant to carry.
The world taught others that forgiveness was for the weak and holding on was for the strong. That concrete concept is definitely wrong. In reality, it takes a strong person to forgive and let go; while a weaker person chooses to hold on to the pain that only make you feel more powerless than before.
Mark 11:25 (ESV) states, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Forgiving others set your mind, body, and soul free. Forgiveness is not much for others, but it for you. I believe if you truly love who you are then you should not allow yourself to hold on to old and stale things in life when you know you are only destined for greatness. Anything details of the past that caused you pain and suffering is not worth living with for the rest of your life. In fact, unforgiveness is like a mental prison, its prison where many choose to take life sentences for the mistake of others.
They starve themselves from love, joy, peace, compassion, and hope because they have convinced themselves that they were worth the pain felt. Sometimes the best remedy for setting yourself free is praying to the almighty God for deliverance and meditating and speaking to the hurting child within yourself and telling your inner child: “I love you____ (your name). I am sorry for ____. Will you forgive me?
Many difficult situations or negative interaction with others is truly a reflection of what’s going on within. Many of us do not take the time to figure out what’s wrong until it is too late to do so. So, today I hope you take the initiative to begin the journey of holding yourself accountable so you will not have to worry about others doing so before you get a chance too.
There are many great benefits to holding yourself accountable for your attitude, thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, and experiences in life. I hope you ensure you chose options that sets your soul free from any negative energy.
Setting yourself free from negative energies, allows you to make space in your life for new positive energy to reappear. You were never meant to walk around bleeding from the past of pain and suffering like the woman with the issue of blood in the bible (Matthew 9:20-22); you were meant to soar and be free. Remember holding yourself accountable for your attitude, thoughts, beliefs, and experiences in life can be liberating if you do so with love, patience, kindness, gentleness, and goodness. Be encouraged today and be courageous by leading others by example. All is done by the Holy Spirit guiding and leading in the way God needs us too. That is the true way to develop the skill of self-management.