I can admit, I am a pretty shy person sometimes. One of the reasons, I believe I am shy because of my fear of rejection. There is nothing like facing rejection for the first time whether it is from your peer group, family, or other public settings.
We all have this yearning to belong to something because it helps us to feel as though we matter, or we actually have a purpose to live in this world. The interesting thing is we all know we have a purpose but many are not willing to figure it out because it goes against their current views or beliefs. The feeling of rejection hurts so deeply especially when you have experienced it from your loved ones.
To be ostracized, from your love ones helps you to fall in the hands of others who feel your pain but uses your pain to manipulate or take advantage of you.
Not because they are cruel but because they have never experienced anyone like you. So this means they do not know how to treat you. It is ok thou. The experiences we have are all based on perspective. It depends on how you view or interpret the story in front of you.
I feel women have a hard time embracing rejection, where we hold onto the pain versus experiencing it and moving on. Women experience the most rejection from mother-daughter relationships, cliques of women, and experiencing a loved one showing love with others. The last example supports women to feel insecure and jealous as they watch others “give their love away”. They tend to carry the concept that ” their love is not enough or insufficient.”
This helps me to think of the story from last week with Ayesha Curry (NBA, Steph Curry’s Wife) Ayesha opened up to speak about women throwing themselves at her husband. She had to ask herself if something was wrong with her since there were no men throwing themselves at her.
Apparently, this is a controversial topic because it puts women in a position to face their pain and possibly evolve from it. Sometimes we point out the truth that many are ashamed to admit so they criticize others for what they did not have the courage to say. This subject point out women who are faithful and working hard to maintain and sustain a family. Other women who choose to gravitate to men who are taken who obtain attractive masculine attributes.
The subject spoke to me letting me know it was time to have a conversation about the feeling of rejection and acknowledging our insecurities as women. There are two types of insecure women, you have the hypo-insecure and hyper-insecure women. A hypo-insecure woman usually feels less about her appearance and often feels she is unworthy to be loved in the manner she is receiving. This woman is aware of her worth but is unsure if she deserves it. This woman lacks self-confidence, esteem, and acceptance.
This woman may lack external self-love but usually has a portion of internal self-love within. This could lead her to question her role and identity in life and place with her family. I was a hypo-insecure woman for many years.
A hyper-insecure woman is a woman who is confident in physical body attributes, which may seem like she is confident in who she is until you get close and figure out that she is unhealed in many areas of her life. This woman’s confidence and validation come externally from those around her, but not internally. She feeds off what the world says is trendy or acceptable to others. Her true validation does not come from self but from others. So when the validation from others disappears so does her self-esteem, which is like a drug. This woman lacks self-respect, worth, and internal self-love. Being honest, ask yourself which woman are you?
The tricky part is that since we have this yearning to belong to something we tend to attach ourselves to everyone who finds interest in self. The unfortunate part many may not have an interest in our true self as we do in others.
This can be a discouraging concept because we are meant to be blessings to others without seeking egotistical validation. Many are addicted to egotistical validation where they cannot tell the difference with or without. Many believe that they are in charge of their life path, which is true to a certain extent.
Our life purpose was written and decided before we began to discover who we truly are. It is up to us to figure out who we are by connecting with the source (God/Jesus). There are too many distractions of this era to help us not to achieve who we are called to be.
The fear of rejection and being subjected to insecurity will definitely help to you not to live out your life’s purpose. You will always see the beauty in others and fail to see the beauty in self. This makes you subjected to constant rejection, where you may become fearful to be your authentic self. If you believe things happen for a reason, then you should understand you are meant to embrace your experiences but do not settle with them.
Not everyone is connected to you your spiritual path. I am speaking to those who are aware of their life purpose. You will begin to recognize those who are for you and those who are connected to you.
No shade just calling a spade a spade. It’s ok thou because you will get to a point where you enjoy people. You will begin to accept where they are in their life versus controlling situations and circumstances to have them stay in your life.
If the door is open for others to exit out of your life let them and allow those are meant to be your life stay. We are all traveling a journey where we will constantly face people who will challenge our beliefs, concepts, and perspective about life.
We are meant to always focus on the bigger picture but not always all the details of the situation. You have to know when the details are necessary or not, which will always be based on the circumstances or situations you are placed in. So to sum up the fear of rejection, it is a illusion. It is a double-edge sword created to help others to believe that the concept of “divide and conquer” is an appropriate tactic to get things done and accomplished.
Rejection is what you make it to be. Just accept the fact you are one person with many qualities and deficits. Not everyone fit in your box and you may not fit in theirs.
It’s doesn’t mean you cannot expand the parameters of your box and still keep your shape. Rejection is just an opportunity for you to prove others wrong or opportunity for others to prove they were right. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you are up for the challenge.