The Pain Was Not Meant To Tame You

    I know it’s a question that many of us are wondering. Who took our stuff? Who is in charge of taking the most precious things around us? I found myself walking in fear until I began to recognize who was for me (Jesus/God).

Romans 8:31 CEV,” What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us?”

   There are so many of us working against God’s plan for our lives, where we want everyone to accommodate to our needs. I’m guilty of doing this also.  Since the killing of Atatiana Jefferson, I was starting to walk with fear and not trusting a person near me again. This meant I wasn’t trusting white, Puerto Rican, or Asian. I was living in fear, but I also know that living in paranoia is not a spirit of God to be living with. It does more danger than harm. 

When we are scared we do terrible things to others due to the fear of losing or getting hurt again. The fears our generation holds are deeply rooted in past generations. We are mad because we are left to deal with the issues that our ancestors should have dealt with.

   Many fear the unknown, fear of messing up, fear of losing those we love, fear of moving forward, fearful of someone taking our spot. Whatever that means to you, but the common denominator of fear is threat or pain. Apply the concepts that apply to your life and begin to think about it in what ways have you allowed fear to control you. 

   Living with paranoia allowed me to understand how it felt for black men and other men in general. Waking up not feeling hopeful for the best because according to media the worst is yet to come. I woke up watching others every move because I could smell deceit underneath their breath. Dramatic but it was true. Being a black woman, I had to fear for my life the devil is a liar. 

My mind began to wonder, where I was able to focus on the bigger picture of the things that were going on in the news. Crisis usually stems from small behaviors of others that many unwilling to talk about or express. God is bringing to our attention how small toxic things are turning into a crisis for ourselves and those connected to us. 

Psalms 34:21 CEV, “Wicked people are killed by their own evil deeds, and if you hate God’s people you will be punished.”

God let me know that he does not play about his children. The result of the small and toxic behavior ends up affecting those around them. The reason being is due to hurt people hurting people and not recognizing it. No one is willing to walk with integrity to stand up for self against the toxicity that surrounds them. Instead, it is better to join the misery club because at least you know your safe. Right? Wrong. 

The spirit of paranoia will always have you fearing for the future, while you manifest what you don’t want into your reality. It is not because fear is strong but because your belief behind it is what makes it so powerful. 

    What I do know that thoughts produce our realities, and the best way for the enemy to destroy you is by implementing negative thoughts (strongholds) that stop you from moving forward and thinking to see the good in others. Making you scared for your future and yearning for your past. Even if it was toxic all you are looking for is protection, love, peace, and certainty. 

  Walking with paranoia allowed me to walk around accusing others of mishaps that they did not do, while all along I wanted to tear up the person who really hurt me. The problem was that I couldn’t. I had to ignore the diabolical urge to pop off on the one I knew was hurting me. I knew it wasn’t safe for me to do so because I  (victim) was falling in the cycle of hurt others because they looked like someone who hurt me before. 

Being honest I had a real issue with accusing others of things they have no control over or did not do to me. I’m used to calling it protection, but really it is self-sabotaging. The common thoughts that usually come with self-sabotaging are “I’m not good enough. “This is will not work so I’m going to quit.” “I will not win, so what is the point.” 

The common excuse I gave to others for hurting them was because I was hurt. Even though, I had been hurt did not give me the opportunity to past hurt another person. I recognized that healing was a choice and I was making a choice to let go because what was before was far greater than what was behind me. 

 Shock is the new emotion that many are using to prey on others to distract them from living their best lives because they want others to suffer like they do. They say misery loves company. 

  I’m starting to believe it that to be true at least it more evident to me than it has ever been before. Everyone is willing to ride on pity train and committed to making other people’s lives miserable because theirs is. Instead of finding different ways to fix their own. This could be my personal perspective based on my observations or could be the reality that many people are experiencing today. A lot of people are walking around as adults not knowing who they are. 

There is not a new definition of being grown, where many want to blame others for their problems instead of taking responsibility for their actions. This is another toxic trait that many tend not to speak up about accountability look like punishment for many. So we have more people lying about who they are and what they did because they fear punishment and karma more than anything. When you are hurt it better to hurt others before they get to hurt you. (Paranoia) 

    In the past, I have allowed my fear of stress, lack &loss, or being hurt emotionally, physically, and mentally paralyzed me from moving forward. Others saw me moving but I was not making any progress spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially. 

Let’s bring honorable morals, values, and principles back to our culture to assist others with the truth about justice, peace, healing, prosperity, and respect for self and others. Justice is not a win for everyone but it wins for the oppressed. 

Those who benefit from your oppression will always be your enemy because you have placed them in a position that will be taken from them. This is where fear comes in allowing the person to know that threat or pain is near, so its best to fight than to lose. 

Psalms 97:10 CEV, “Love the Lord and hate evil! God protects his loyal people and rescues them from violence.”

    For our generation, nothing looks guaranteed and it seems like all the odds are against us. This blog post is to let you know you must continue to move forward with your dreams even if you have to do it scared. You must write that book scared, you must speak your truth, you must walk into a room of the unfamiliar, you must birth your dreams scared, create your family you want scared, take care of yourself and ignore others’ opinions scared. 

Psalms 34:15-17 CEV, “If you obey the Lord, he will watch over you and answer your prayers. But God despises evil people, and he will wipe them all from the earth, till they are forgotten. When his people pray for help, he listens and rescues them from their troubles.”

  You must continue to pray to God especially when all the odds are against you. I do not want you to live your life in fear, but I do believe you should live your life with peace while being observed of the spiritual things around you. Do not allow fear to paralyze you but allow fear to push you into your calling. 

2 Timothy 1:7 CEV, “God’s Spirit doesn’t make cowards out of us. The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.”

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