WisdomWednesday

The Power of Saying ” No”

       How hard is it for you to say “no” to others especially when others appear to be in need? Speaking for myself saying no was hard. I felt I was a bad person or I was afraid of disappointing others whenever I said no. The word “no” tends to have a negative connotation, where many treat it as if it’s a curse word. Instead, I consider it to be a healthy word that saves you from a lot of stress and worry. Those who are people pleasers, the word “no” is a foreign language. 

      It can be quite uncomfortable to begin to embrace it. Talk about anxiety! We are so use to other’s using aggressive and manipulative tactics, that many are afraid to face what is next if we do decide to say no.  If you grew up with controlling parents or abusive parents, is it normal to experience an internal battle to say no to situations and circumstances that you do not feel comfortable in or about. Peer pressure is a great example of why many are unable to say no in risky and striking situations or circumstances. I believe it is the reason why so many people face so much unnecessary stress and worry because they lack the courage to say no at the approach time. 

     I used to be that person, who would say yes to everything and everyone. I honestly hated hearing the word “no” myself. I thought that if I said yes to everyone, then they would feel obligated to be there for me when I needed them also. Wrong. I enjoyed being needed because it boosts my ego, and it let me know that I was important and valuable in someone else’s life. This is Insecurity at its finest. 

    I learned the hard way about that concept and how toxic it was, which was based on the disappointment I faced. The more I said yes to everyone and thing, the more I received an “no” when I needed help. Experiencing burnt out, will force you to make more healthier decisions that support your mind, body, soul, and spirit. Burnt out is another example to saying “Yes” to every demand that comes your way. Whenever I get to a point of feeling burnt out, I am aware that I’ve been saying yes more than no. When I get to that point it time to do some soul searching within because I found myself committed to toxicity traits again.

     After being pulled in other people’s drama and trauma and getting to a point where I felt depleted and used. I decided to say “No” more. It was either my health or attending to other person’s need at my expense. I am sorry, but I had to choose self! How can I assist others when my health is in jeopardy? I cannot serve others from an empty cup. I must be full and healthy within. Here are four superpowers that that Word “No” gives you:

 

1.Helps You to practice your Assertiveness skills

     Many are unable to find balance between being passive and aggressive. We will either say “yes” everything or we explode with anger by saying “no” one time. It takes practice to say “no” and stand firm on your word. It not about saying no but it is your intentions and will power behind the word no that makes it so powerful. Have you ever said no to someone before? The person ends up doing the opposite of what you asked them not to do. Toddlers and children are masters at this game.

 Talk about feeling disrespected? Having too many disrespected moments pushed me to handle things in an assertive way. Being honest, God gave me confidence to be more assertive. I had a little bit in me, but I feel like God amplified it. 

  Being assertive involves you to be self-assuring towards the things you feel does not serve yourself or others properly or effectively. Now, saying no without an explanation is another level and another topic to discuss! 

 

2.Gives You Options

    When I think of options, I think of freedom. I’m not sure about you, but I need to have options. It could be the spoiled part in self that so comfortable with having options, but I just do not like feeling obligated to do something I do not want to do. I believe no one does, yet we tend to do it anyways.If this was two or three years ago, I would not have been able to share my story the way I am now.

  Saying no would have seem so daunting to me and unnecessary. I held on to this concept for a while that “the world” tells so many of us know all the time. I decided I wanted to be different and begin to tell people “yes”, so I can be reliable and someone other could depend on and need me.My intentions were well, but actions were not healthy.Well, that is no longer me. I cannot function that way anymore. I learned that sometimes I am blocking other people’s blessings by saying yes, all the time.  Yes, may seem like again, but it is not if it stunts your spiritual, emotional, physical, financial, and mental growth. You must be wise enough to recognize the difference and weight out the situation you are currently in. 

3.Gain Self-Respect 

    We have always been taught to respect others, but no one emphasized the importance of respecting self. When you lose respect for yourself you begin to think more negatively, which corresponds to produces low self-esteem and confidence. 

    I believe why so many of walk around feeling so disrespected by others because he never showed other people how to treat us. If you cannot respect yourself how do you expect others to treat you? You want to begin respecting yourself begin telling others no when your mental, emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual needs are in jeopardy.  Many wonder why they face so many unnecessary battles. 

We are not supposed to say yes to everything because it puts us in the position that we are God. Even God tells us no and many still have an issue with that. That’s because many are so use to a “yes” world, which many will con, manipulate, and curse to get them, yes, they feel they deserve. Release yourself of the pressure by praying and saying No. You deserve to have your respect back. 

4.Allow Others to Become More Resourceful

   God tries to show each generation, where their solutions lie. Many of the solutions we need are within ourselves. Do not get me wrong we need people, I am not saying that. We need to relate to others. What I am saying is that we must allow others to become their own problem-solvers. Every problem does not need our assistance, we must allow people to be adults to critical think. I am still young, but it seems like everyone is needy now in this ear, which could be the fact that many have been exposed to the trauma called abandonment.

   Abandonment causes you to become co-depend in areas, where you are equipped within to solve the problem you are currently facing. The issue is that many do not feel self-assured or confident to believe in self in their decision-making because they have been taught to trust other’s opinions more than our own.

   I also believe that many have lacked the support they need to push them forward to believe in themselves wholehearted. I come across many people, who have had parents who did everything for them.  They had parents who told them how and when to sleep, eat, and so forth. I know because I have parents like that. If I did not muster up enough courage to gain my own independence, freedom, and perspective. I would be stuck and unable to discover my purpose in life. God wants us to be resourceful, and sometimes the most effective way for us to get there is when we hear the word. “No”. 

   See, the word can be positive connotation if you are willing to open your mind, body, soul, and spirit to the possibilities of what the word no can bring you. The word “No” holds magic if your intentions are in the right place. The word opens doors that no other word can shut. It creates healthy bounds for the relationships that creates a strong bond within the relationship because someone is willing to obtain integrity.

    The word “no” helps the relationships to fulfill its destined purpose in one’s life, where it cannot be ruined by the lack of structure the relationship failed to obtain. When God says “No”, he has better in store for you or the timing of the situation is not right. Which can also be your reason. I know its mine, whenever I say no. I say “no” because I know it is a blessing in disguise for self and the person I decided to say “no” too. Drop your comments below and tell me why is it so hard for you to say no? Express the power you feel once you begin to say it.




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