There are more people subjected to sexual abuse, then we can ever imagine. Some people are fighting dark spirits, we cannot begin to fathom. So many times, people are bashing the perpetrators of the sexual assault, rape, molestation incident, but have not begun to recognize that most perpetrators were subjected to sexual abuse also.
God is calling us to begin to understand the wrongful acts of others by asking how and why so that healing and grace can be stored for the victim and perpetrator. This will allow us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Sexual abuse is a broken cycle that no one is willing to talk about. What many do not know that it is our silence that keeps this cycle going. We will overcome trauma once we gain the courage to tell our testimony. There are countless families, who have hidden stories of incest and wrongful sexual abuse acts.
My Granny always says, “No one is born a monster but we (people) create monsters.” The big monsters of sexual abuse are secrets, lies, and drugs that continue the cycle. These things do more internal harm than we can ever begin to understand.
This is a cycle that needs to stop. We have more and more children whose innocents are being taken away, who later grow up to be broken adults. These broken adults end up raising broken children and the cycle continues. We have more and more people going to jail for sexual abuse, but no one wants to address the toxic behavior that leads to sexual abuse or incest. Everyone wants to drink and drug it away without facing the issue. Hiding your story is doing more harm than you know.
Facing and expressing your story is what really helps and sets you free. It’s the lies and the drugs that are stopping us from moving forward. They say, whatever does not kill you makes you stronger. I’m here to tell you that you are stronger than you think.
When men go to jail, many are subjected to more sexual abuse, in which it allows them to question their sexuality, and commit more sexually immortality acts among those within their home (family or loved ones). No one wants to talk about the healthy way to have sex because many of us don’t know what healthy sex looks like. We all been subjected to perverted (lustful) sex, which allows you to function less than who you are and feel less than who you are!
According to victims of crime, “In 1986, 63% of women who suffer sexual abuse by a family member also reported rape or attempted rape after the age of 14. These women are now living in our society. 1 in 7 incidents of child sexual abuse perpetrated by juveniles occurs on school days. 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before age 18. (Darkness to Light.org).
If you do not see this as an issue then I don’t know. I’m writing this blog post because I believe it’s a substantial topic. Those subjected to sexual abuse are either hyper-sexual or hypo-sexual. Either way, both are creating issues for our society that many are not willing to accept. Everything in life is meant to be balanced. Too much of something is bad and not enough of something can be bad also.
The more extreme your sexual abuse was, the more you tend to block out the images in their head, but act out subconsciously. This was me acting out subconsciously, where I didn’t know if I liked males for a while or anyone for that matter. I didn’t know if I like them because I could not trust them. I didn’t feel as protected as I should. This mentality led me to the journey of being a feminist. I bashed men and some women who reminded me of the people who sexually abused me.
I was mad at myself for years, which is where self-criticism and judgmental came in. I asked myself all the time how could I be so stupid to let someone touch me like that and be okay with it! The moment I was subjected to sexual abuse as a child. The whole world around me changed. I no longer had my innocence. Until this day I can always tell when the innocence of childhood has been taken because the brightness in their eyes fades away.
I didn’t see the world as safe, comforting, and protective anymore. I didn’t see men or women the same anymore! Everyone was guilty until proven innocent. At the age of 12, I remember I watched the movie called “Women Thou Art Loose” by TD Jakes. I cried so hard for that little girl but didn’t know why at the time.
I remember reading a book called “Addicted “by Zane in High School. I remember asking myself how could the character be subject to sexual abuse and not remember. I was so fascinated by the plot and psyche of the character. I couldn’t see the bigger picture because I was not ready to connect these stories to my own. For years, I lived in denial that it didn’t happen.
I could not understand why I felt so connected to these fictional stories, and how I understood how those two characters felt. The reason being was because I was a victim of sexual abuse, which is something I cannot believe I am sharing. I had reached a point in my life as a child, where I didn’t want to show any signs of affection to anyone. I was scared that I would attract someone and be subjected to sexual abuse again.
I wore baggy clothes to hide my figure in middle school until I got teased for it. I wore two bras to push my breast back all so I would not be an attractive female. I wanted to be so ugly so bad so that I could keep the danger and sexual immorality away from me.
I would be mean to other males and scared to like anyone. Sexual abuse messed with my psyche for years because I begin to feel less of myself, which is where acne came in. I despised my name, body, overall existence. I remember telling people to call me “Brianna” rather than Brianne.
As much as I wanted to stay in total rage, something inside me always helps me to see the bigger picture. I was hurt, broken and abused, but I knew it was not who I was. For some reason, my heart was always bigger than my pain. I know someone was praying for me and my well-being. There is no way I should be telling this story.
I didn’t have an opportunity to heal until recently while I was meditating. The memory haunted me so bad for years that I grew tired of my negative thoughts and feeling unfulfilled in life. I grew tired of losing battles and people close to me because I was toxic with my mouth and body language.
The memory would come up every time, I would become intimate with my spouse or someone else (during my hoe phase). When I was intimate with others I felt a piece of myself leaving me and I felt so dirty where I wanted to tear my skin off my body.
It sounds extreme but it’s true! Since I felt dirty, I was subjected to more things that were destroying my well-being, which was toxic food, drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. My phase did not last for a while because I remember seeing people I loved addicted to all those things and how they ended up. I kept hearing something in my Spirit and ear telling me to be bold and beautiful. I know that someone was Jesus Christ.
So, food became my vice to deal with the insecurity, unworthiness, blame, lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-love. I had friends who I know were subjected to sexual abuse and I see how their pain impacted their choices, which lead them to show up less than who they are.
After experiencing sexual abuse all you want is for the memory to go away, which why some many people result to more sex, drugs, alcohol because it gives you the bit of pleasure you lost or the pleasure you were never subjected too in the first place. You trick your mind into thinking that it’s helping but isn’t. Then the cycle happens.
Many times, when people are unhealed from their abuse, they end up being the abuser. The abuser is not just men but it’s women also. Sometimes it can be children who do not know what they are doing. This is how the sexual abuse cycle begins again effecting generations and generations to come.
1Thessalonians 4 :3-5 NiV, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control you own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans.”
I’m writing this blog post to let you know that you do not have to live with the memories anymore. You do not have to look like what you’ve been through. There is a solution besides drinking and smoking your problems away.
Recognize that you deserve better and your body does too. Jesus is there to care for your inequalities, insecurities, and your nightmares. He wants to take the pain away from you. Talk to or cry out to him. You weren’t meant to handle the pain by yourself.
The strong yearning you have within to be loved can only come from the Lord above. Recognize that your pain and suffering has a purpose for your life. You have tried your way of healing the pain and it did not work. Try Jesus, who is the messiah, healer, protector, provider, miracle worker, and the true love you need to fill the big hole in your heart. Jesus asks for a relationship, not religion. Connect with Jesus today:
2 Chronicles 7:14-15, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
There is nothing you have experienced or done that will stop the Lord from loving you. A man may stop loving you but Jesus’s Love is indescribable and it truly unconditional. Jesus loves the good, bad, and the ugly that exists within you. He is the one, who showed me how to love the proper way.
He healed and delivered me from the memories, provided strength for my well-being, and restored my mind, body, soul, and spirit. I pray you to receive the same thing. You deserve more in life. Where you started in life does not have to be in the same place you started. The choice is yours. Take control of your life and connect with the Lord above today. I promise God will trade your pain for his peace, which is a great deal no one can offer you.